Fairytale Leak Case File #9

Associated story: WOLF OF SWAN LAKE

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THE LEAK 

posted by @dampcardigan · 847k views and climbing

wrong inbox. completely wrong inbox. i sell industrial flooring. this is not about flooring.
it has a wax seal. on a PDF. i have questions. i have so many questions. read it. 👇

SOULMATE REGISTRY — INTERNAL
CLASSIFICATION: SEALED — (seal status: open. GLINDABETH. We have discussed the seal. We have a whole laminated card about the seal.)
FROM: Cashmere, Senior Field Agent
TO: Rosalind, Fairy Godmother – the boss.
RE: the Understudy Clause — it is leaking, and I would like that noted

Rosalind,

The feather-sealed invoice has arrived. Before you reach for the wrong file, the wrong century, and the wrong swan: it is the lake. Not the frog lake. Not the second frog lake. The one that refuses to end happily no matter how gently we close it. Swan Lake. I can hear you saying "which one." It is always going to be this one. It was always going to be this one.

Allow me to refresh the memory you assure me you still own.

The curse on that tale was, to put it generously, a critic. It would only lift for a swan it deemed beautiful — graceful, dainty, the sort that arranges itself attractively on a pond for visiting nobility. And the maiden we drew that cycle did not arrange. She was gangly. She was odd-angled. Her neck went the wrong way at parties. She was also, for the record, the most powerful swan on the roster and could have flattened a battalion, but the curse does not read footnotes. It took one look at her, sniffed, and declined to participate.

Tale collapse. Double drowning pending. And you, Madam, three minutes from the door, satchel packed, en route to the Symposium on Wishes, Wands, and the Ethics of Pumpkin Disposal — you said, and I have it verbatim because I write things down, "just put a prettier one in, Cashmere, we'll sort it after canapés."

We did not sort it after canapés. We have never once sorted anything after canapés.

So: the Understudy Clause. We swapped her out. We found a swan the curse approved of — symmetrical, ornamental, useless in a fight but photogenic — set her in the role, and the curse purred and lifted and everyone wept and the tale closed clean. And the real maiden, the magnificent crooked one who actually lived the story? We filed her. Under non-standard. In a drawer. While she watched a prettier stand-in take the bow that was hers.

I objected. In writing. You filed my objection in the same drawer. I assume they have become friends.

Now the bill. The curse's verdict — that there is a correct kind of swan and a regrettable kind — did not dissolve when the curtain fell. It soaked into the bloodline. Every swan-shifter since has inherited the ruling like a family nose. And the debt is collected, Madam, not in coin, not in swans, but the moment one of them believes it.

One of them is believing it as I write. The plain one. The disappointment of an elegant family. So convinced she is the wrong kind of swan that she has gone to ground at a remote lake to spare everyone the embarrassment of looking at her. She thinks a witch did this. A witch did not do this. We did this. With a swap and a satchel and a plate of canapés.

I would like the following entered into the record: I said this clause would teach her bloodline to despise its own reflection, and it has, for three hundred years, with great consistency. I was right. I am frequently right. It is a lonely posting.

Recommend immediate deployment. The only asset within range of the lake is — and I have triple-checked, hoping to be wrong — a penguin. He carries business cards identifying him as a "water sport psychologist." I have elected, for my own wellbeing, not to investigate where a penguin obtains a doctorate.

Seal the file, Rosalind.

Cashmere

(Glindabeth. The seal. It is the small glowing button. The one that says SEAL.)

@dampcardigan: so there's a cat. middle management. immortal. ignored. and a girl who got benched THREE HUNDRED YEARS AGO for not being pretty enough and still thinks it's her fault. i'm not okay. also a penguin with a doctorate??

found the rest. it's called Wolf on Swan Lake. going dark. don't call me.